So I wrote this post back in February, then life happened and I never shared it. Many things regarding Jax's condition have changed (yes, he still has it), but I still wanted to share this story. We had an unexpected and scary experience when Jackson was five days old. As I previously wrote, we had a very traumatic day that resulted in a trip to the emergency room and a three day stay in the hospital. My hopes in sharing this story is to hopefully find other mothers who have had a similar experience, and to let them know they are not alone. Jax was born on 11:56pm on Wednesday, October 21, 2015. On Monday, October 26, I was breastfeeding Jax before our first visit to his pediatrician. I noticed he stopped sucking and looked down to see what happened. I immediately saw that he was still and completely white. Panicking, I scooped him up to examine him. Jax's lips were blue and his body was limp in my hands. I frantically tried patting his back and rubbing his cheeks to get him to start breathing again. It seemed like an eternity before he finally gasped for air. When he did, he seemed to be okay and quickly resumed his usual behavior. Jeff and I knew we were seeing the pediatrician in less than 30 minutes, and decided to ask him if we should be worried. [In hindsight, I don't know why I didn't just take Jax to the ER right then. I'll save this for another post, but I suffered from PPD pretty badly, and wonder if that + lack of sleep + hearing other people say he was "fine" affected my decision.] When we talked to the pediatrician, he assured us that Jax's episode was 100% normal and that he was fine. He explained to us that all babies have irregular breathing patterns and that Jax probably "just forgot to breathe for a moment". However, around 6pm that night, Jax did it again. This time I knew that this was definitely not "normal." I called the pediatrician's after-hours number and spoke to the nurse of another pediatrician in the same practice as ours. She also brushed it off and said we "could go to the ER for peace of mind" if we really wanted to. At this point I didn't know what to do. The pediatrician and a nurse said not to worry, but seeing my limp newborn son in my arms twice in one day was absolutely terrifying. I decided to call my mom and see what she thought we should do. She suggested calling my OB, and thank God I did. My OB immediately said we needed to go to the ER. Jeff and I packed our diaper bag and headed to the hospital with Jax and my mom.
This little baby is over one month old now! It truly seems like just last week that I was holding our precious son in my arms for the first time. I can't believe this little goofball is already a month old! It makes me realize just how quickly this stage is going to pass, and I'm trying to cherish each and every moment with him. After a very scary first week with Jax (which I will write about soon), I was honestly emotionally drained. I felt like I was failing as a mother and didn't feel that overwhelming connection with my son like I thought I would. However, after attending several weeks of feeding/swallowing therapy for Jackson, and watching him grow and become stronger, my anxiety and fear slowly disappeared. I've become more confident in my mothering abilities and am completely in love with our baby. I'm thankful that God has blessed us with this little miracle and feel honored and blessed to be his mommy. I thought it would be fun to recap this first month by sharing some of our favorite pictures and moments.
I cannot believe Jax is six weeks old! Time has passed so quickly and I finally feel like we have settled into a routine. The middle of the night feeding sessions aren't as rough as they were a few weeks ago...in fact, I almost look forward to seeing our little goober and spending time with him every three hours. With month one behind us, I thought it would be fun to share the baby items that I absolutely love and made those first weeks smoother with Jax.